God has really been working on my heart this week in many ways with Haily. At first I was fighting him, but I have now realized this is all an answer to my prayers. I now know what I need to do to help my issues with Haily. I think I have always known, its just hard to admit, and it is very hard to do when she hurts me so much. I know I need to be the bigger one, I know I need to be the one that just starts accepting some of the smaller things that Haily does. I'm praying if I can just get passed the little things, she will stop doing them. I know this is a cry out for help on her behalf. I also know that I'm not spending enough attention with her as I should. I guess as a parent it really hurts to admit that. It hurts so see that we can mold our children into something so sad when its not at all what we meant to do. God has really opened a lot of doors this week for me and has shown me the things I need to do. I feel very grateful that I have this relationship with God and that I can see that these things he is telling me are really from him. I can see their future ahead now and what I hope will be a different Haily. A child that she should have been from the start. I'm not sure where I went wrong with her,but I have for sure fallin off the wagon with her and I am ready to make up for it now. I just Pray that we caught it in time to make a difference in her little life!!
We went this week to meet all the teachers for the kids. Haily and Noelle my middle biological daughter will be in the same class. This will be Noelle's first time ever in school. She was so afraid at first so we thought it would be better to put her with Haily. I hope this does not work against me now because Noelle can be really bossy towards Haily. In the end Noelle would have had a very hard time staring school. I can not wait for all the kids to go back to school and make new friends. This will be such a new experience for some if the kids I can not wait to see how they will do.
We are going to go buy some of the kids there school clothes this weekend. We had to wait until payday to go, and it just happens to be the tax free weekend. That is not a good thing for us. I hate crowds!!! Not to mention when we take the babies out I get very tired of all the people always starring at us trying to figure out if I had 3 babies with downs, and why we have so many kids. Yesterday at school I had 3 people give me nasty looks. Then I had one man even come up to me and ask if they were all mine. When I said yes he just shook his head in disgust and walked away. I always think to myself, why the hell do they care!!! We were not loud, we didn't get into any ones way, we did not bother anyone. I sometimes just do not get it. I think some people think I do this for money. If only they knew how much money we spent to adopt!!!! These are just things we will always deal with, it just never gets any easier!!
In the end, they are all my babies and I love the all. I do not care what the hell people think. I have a home full of so much love and always will. More love than some of these people will ever know!!!
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