Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Never enough Time

It seems like time is running away from me lately. I never find enough time in one do to finish what needs to be done. I went to my doctor for anxiety this week and they put me on a new medication that is giving me the worse side effects ever. They put me on Paxil. It keeps making me really dizzy and I am soooo angry all the time. I'm not sure why. I feel like I am always angry with the kids this week so I just have to walk away. I now just stooped taking the medicine and started to take my old one. I can not believe the way one pill can make someone feel. I hated feeling that mad all the time. My life brings me so much joy, everything I do I find it so interesting to me. I really love the life that I have. So fir me to feel like this, Its just odd, and I do not like it one bit. The move adds a little stress as well. The movers are coming tomorrow to take a lot of things from our house. Then we will leave at 4.00 to go to Dallas for 3 days and house hunt. We have been praying hard for a home that will keep us near other kids , yet a lot of land. We want our children to be able to have others to play with. We are praying that this goes well for us.
For thanksgiving we will be doing it at our house this year. My mom and dad will be coming. They only live about 3 hours away, yet they have only seen my adopted kids a few times. They still do not know the names of all of my kids. It is really sad. I try not to think about it very much or talk about it because I don't want it to bother me. This past month they came to visit us and we had the best time ever. I realised that them not coming to see me all the time was my dad just never being able to really sit still. My mother sat and played with the babies for so long and loved on them. For me it was bitter sweet. I can not remember a time when my mother ever sat and really played with me as a child. I can not remember my mother of father ever telling me that they loved me. So, It was nice to see that my mother had that in her, but sad that it was never said to me. So, this year for Thanksgiving it will be really sweet because I have not spent one with MY family in about the last 5 years. I have 2 brothers that are identical twins, both of them are chiropractors that have led very , very wealthy lives. One of them still does, and the other one has fallen into a terrible place ion life right now because of drugs. He has lost everything, even his family. He will be here to. It is very nice to get to spend time with him because he was so shut off from my family for so long. Now, I am one of the only people that will really sit and talk to him. My other brother financially supports him and send s him to all the fancy rehabs. He just got back from passages in Malibu. It was about 90,000 for one month. Now he is going to another rehab, so I'm not sure if he got his money out of it.
Anyways, I have talked a lot tonight. I have just had a lot on my mind this week. I'm excited to see my family that I thought forgot about me after the adoption. We were sorda an embarrassment to them with 10 kids. I'm happy to know that they are still there for me, and that we are getting close again. I hope next time O blog that I have good news about finding a new house in Dallas!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Moving for sure!

We found out that we are indeed moving for sure as soon as we can. Tony will be starting his new job on the first of next month. He will just do his job from here until we move. It is all getting so real now the agents are coming here to list our house and everything. We have a lot of friends that we will be leaving behind, and a new house that we have only lived in for 16 months.
Most of the kids are excited as I said before, but there is still Faith that is heart broken. We talk to her every night about it and what we can do to make it better. It just really hurts your child to see them hurting like this knowing that we are the reason why!!
I am having to give up all of my foster puppies this week because of the house being showed. We do not want all the puppies here. My husband is very happy to see them go. He has never really liked me fostering, but he has put up with it. He is very sweet to support me in whatever I do.
I am not looking forward to the phone ringing every hour with centralized showing and having to get the house clean in 20 minutes and get everyone into the car. That gets really hard to do with the new babies and the four big dogs.
I guess it is time for me to go start putting some of the clothes in some boxes, they said we need to get half of everything we have in every room out !! So fun!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Lots on my mind

Today is a bitter sweet day here at home. Tony found out last week that we are for sure moving to Dallas. I am the type of person that loves to move so I am excited. I do however worry about all the kids. They seem to be bothered by us moving. My oldest Faith is still having such a hard time. I'm just praying that when we move she can find new friends right away and we will all adjust.
So its good news, but also bad. I have to say goodbye to the best church I think ill ever find. The people there are amazing and have helped us through a lot. They were all there to support us through the adoption, and to pray when things got tough. I just hope that Ill find the same type of church in Dallas.
This week we decided to pull Noelle out of school. When I went to her school last week and saw her in the corner crying to herself, it broke my heart. I am really worried about a lot of the things she is telling me. Sunday she awoke crying telling us that we were getting old and that we were going to die soon. That freaked us out a little. She really has this fear of death that is very concerning. Why should a 7 year old carry all this on their shoulders?
We have been looking back at the last year now that it is coming to a close and all that we have accomplished. I am satisfied, but I do feel like God has more planned for our family. We still do not know if God is calling us to adopt again, or what. I would really like to adopt again, maybe even baby or kids with HIV. I just do not know a lot about it right now. Whatever we do I am excited to know that God is not done using us yet. The kids keep asking us when we are going to have another baby, or if we are going to adopt again? I just keep telling them when God wants us to, we will.
I will leave you with a few pictures of the kids just being silly. Thanks for reading, Leah

Friday, October 15, 2010

My husband was a bit upset with my last post because of the pictures i posted. I thought that when I posted last time I had told everyone about their eye surgery that they had just had. Now I see that I forgot to mention that. I guess not I see why the pictures do not look so well. They had just had their surgery and their eyes were very blood shot. I was showing everyone that they were recovering well. They just went to the doctor again today and he said they everything is going very well for them. They will not need to re-do anymore eye surgeries. We are very happy about that.
Well, It is official, Tony got his new job and we are moving to Dallas. This is such a bitter sweet moment. Our kids are heartbroken and I'm not sure how to handle that, and we will miss our church family so much. I do know that everything will be o.k. in the end and that our kids will make new friends very fast once we get there. Faith, our oldest just made a very good friend here and it has taken her so long to make friends because she is home schooled, and because she is shy. I keep telling her we just have to get our more in Dallas and be more active.
We are also having a few issues with my middle daughter Noelle. She is one of the children that I home schooled forever. This year she wanted to try school. We let her and she like it at the start of the year. Now she cries everyday before she goes. We are staring to see that she cries all day now about school. She said that it is because she misses me and that she thinks something bad will happen to me while she is away. When I went to school yesterday to have lunch with my son I saw Noelle in the corner crying all by herself. It totally broke my heart. I went and sat with her, then took her home. Now I am pulling her out of school to home school her. We have been dealing with his for about 2 months now. There was a little boy and his mom from her class that died last week in a car wreck so I thought maybe that was why she was so upset, but she said she didn't know him and that that was not why.
I just don't understand why all of my biological kids have such bad anxiety issues. I did to as a child, but I didn't know it was really all passed down to your children. I was hoping that we were raising them right and showing them enough love that they would not be that way. Now I feel like we are doing something wrong. A lot of people have also judged me now that I am pulling her out of school saying that she will never learn to face people now. I can not just sit there thought while she tries to figure it out, there has got to be another way.
I'm hoping that when we move to Dallas I can get more involved in co-ops there and have her meet with other kids to get some social skills in.
all the kids are getting over a very nasty flu bug here. It started with the babies, and now has gone though just about every child in the home and my husband. I am the only one that did not get it. I am so thankful for that because I did not have the time to get sick this week.
I'm going to bed now because it is so late, I'm sorry for the bad pictures from before. I'm going to leave you with some pictures of my oldest daughter Faith who is 13. Please pray for her during this move because she is taken really hard because she is loosing her buddy, who is also in the picture with her. Pray that she will find new friends fast in Dallas, and that she will not be angry at us about the move!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Almost a year

The weather changing reminds me so much of getting ready to leave a year ago for the Ukraine. It was this time last year that we got our date to meet our babies. I have been reading another blog of this darling little baby named Makayla. The poor mom is having a terrible time over there right now. It brought back soooo many memories for me. I went back and re-read my blog and saw that our post were so depressing as well. I knew then that I was very negative and kept apologizing for it. The people leaving comments on this ladies blog are sooo hateful. They keep telling her she should not adopt this baby then. I feel so bad for her because this was such a hard time to begin with, then you have people like that telling you that you should not even adopt because you are depressed. It made me so angry. I missed my other kids back at home so much that it really ruined my trip. I was trapped inside a small apartment all day and could not eat any of the food there, and it snowed so much every day. It was just not the same experience so many people are having now. I wish I could have made it more positive, but what matters most is now, what happens after you get home. Its the time with your family after you adopt that is so important. Your time there is so short lived and really not that big of a deal. I'm happy now that I look back that I went and got to see where my babies came from and the country that they lived in.
I'm doing better here with the drama here with the neighbor. She is still very evil and the things she said about me still sting,but I not letting it get me down.
We are praying that Tony gets the new job in Dallas soon. If we do, we should be moving before December. We are trying to get a home out in the country so that we can have horses and a lot of farm animals. This is what we have dreamed of having for a very long time and I hope that this would be the last time that we move for a long time.
I'm going to end this now with some pictures of some of the kids just playing around. Hope you enjoy!!