Very Scary Sunday

Yesterday, Sunday was my 35th Birthday. It was all going great until about 3.00 yesterday. I had decided to go to the grocery store with 2 of my girls and Eli. As we were driving down the road I saw Eli choking in the back. I started yelling for my oldest daughter Faith to help him. She tried to finger swipe him, but nothing would help. I then pulled into an apartment complex parking lot. As I opened the door and blocked traffic I pulled Eli to the ground and began finger swiping him to. That didn't work so I then did the Heimlich on him. He was so blue that I was just screaming. Other people came running to help as they called an ambulance. Eli finally started breathing, but he was spitting up blood and kept choking every 2 minutes. When we arrived at the hospital they did an x-ray of him very fast. They could not find anything, but knew something was there because he was not getting enough oxygen to him, he was faint and still a blueish color. Then a lot of doctors came in saying that they were taking him to the O.R. Then I just lost it. Alot of people from my church were already there holding me, comforting me. I was so scared. So many crazy thoughts went through my head. I wasn't ready to give him up yet, I would not give up without a fight. When they finally came back an hour later they showed us the ugly little piece of plastic wrapping paper they found way down in his esophagus. It was so small that it was probably the size of an eraser top. It had blocked his airway. While they were scoping him they found a lot of blood in his tummy so they would not let him go home. I was afraid, but relieved that he was OK at this moment.

Today they released Eli. They think the blood was from the plastic scratching his throat. I brought my sweet baby boy home and just loved on him. Its amazing the things that they can choke on. We came home and did a clean sweep of our entire home. Last Christmas a dear friend of my husband had a friend that had a neighbor that had a little girl about 2. She put a screw in her mouth and swallowed it. This little girl died Christmas day on the way to the hospital. Can you imagine how traumatizing??? That's all I could think of last night. You feel so bad that you didn't protect them from such small silly things. I still don't know where he got it in his car seat in the back of the car, but he did. All I know is that so many people prayed last night for my baby boy and God heard all their prayers, he is ok, and he is resting today and back to trying to bust out of his playroom. Thanks everyone for praying for my baby boy.

Lonely home

Older picture to the left!!
I don't know where to begin. This may sound crazy to some, but only having 5 kids at home feels so lonely!!! I only have the three babies, Grace my 10 year old homeschooler, and Emma my 4 yr. old home right now. The house is so calm as the babies sleep, and I'm not sure what to do.

The kids had a great first day at school, but not so much on the bus home. As I waited for my kids to get off the bus, my 2 first graders did not get off. My boys said they never even got on. I was in a panic as I drove to the school. When I got there they had no idea where they were. After waiting for about 15 minutes a bus driver called saying she had the wrong kids on her bus. We knew it was them. I was very impressed with my girls because somehow they got on the wrong bus going to our old address. When the bus driver told them to get off at our old home they told her that we no longer lived there. I was so glad that they didn't just get off and sit there. Then I found out that my older girl gave the bus driver my cell phone number. She has never even called this number, so I was amazed that she even knew it. All in all everything ended up well. The girls did just as they should have. It makes you feel good when they handle scary situation's very well!! Granted they do not want to the ride the bus again, I can handle that!!

These pictures on top are of Noelle and Haily, my first graders!! Even though I'm lonely without all my kids, its nice to have a small break at times!

First Day Of School

Tomorrow is the first day of school, and for half of my crew it is the first day ever of school. We are all so excited. I know the kids are a bit nervous, but that is to be expected.

I have no idea what I'm going to do yet with all my time. I will still be homeschooling one of my kids so I'm going to try to make this an exciting year for her. I want to really get out there and get involved in co-ops and sports. I have not ever done this before because we had to many kids at home.

This will be a short post tonight because we are getting the kids ready for their big day. I hope everyone enjoys their big day tomorrow at their first day of school!!!!

A New Outlook

God has really been working on my heart this week in many ways with Haily. At first I was fighting him, but I have now realized this is all an answer to my prayers. I now know what I need to do to help my issues with Haily. I think I have always known, its just hard to admit, and it is very hard to do when she hurts me so much. I know I need to be the bigger one, I know I need to be the one that just starts accepting some of the smaller things that Haily does. I'm praying if I can just get passed the little things, she will stop doing them. I know this is a cry out for help on her behalf. I also know that I'm not spending enough attention with her as I should. I guess as a parent it really hurts to admit that. It hurts so see that we can mold our children into something so sad when its not at all what we meant to do. God has really opened a lot of doors this week for me and has shown me the things I need to do. I feel very grateful that I have this relationship with God and that I can see that these things he is telling me are really from him. I can see their future ahead now and what I hope will be a different Haily. A child that she should have been from the start. I'm not sure where I went wrong with her,but I have for sure fallin off the wagon with her and I am ready to make up for it now. I just Pray that we caught it in time to make a difference in her little life!!

We went this week to meet all the teachers for the kids. Haily and Noelle my middle biological daughter will be in the same class. This will be Noelle's first time ever in school. She was so afraid at first so we thought it would be better to put her with Haily. I hope this does not work against me now because Noelle can be really bossy towards Haily. In the end Noelle would have had a very hard time staring school. I can not wait for all the kids to go back to school and make new friends. This will be such a new experience for some if the kids I can not wait to see how they will do.

We are going to go buy some of the kids there school clothes this weekend. We had to wait until payday to go, and it just happens to be the tax free weekend. That is not a good thing for us. I hate crowds!!! Not to mention when we take the babies out I get very tired of all the people always starring at us trying to figure out if I had 3 babies with downs, and why we have so many kids. Yesterday at school I had 3 people give me nasty looks. Then I had one man even come up to me and ask if they were all mine. When I said yes he just shook his head in disgust and walked away. I always think to myself, why the hell do they care!!! We were not loud, we didn't get into any ones way, we did not bother anyone. I sometimes just do not get it. I think some people think I do this for money. If only they knew how much money we spent to adopt!!!! These are just things we will always deal with, it just never gets any easier!!

In the end, they are all my babies and I love the all. I do not care what the hell people think. I have a home full of so much love and always will. More love than some of these people will ever know!!!

Monday Night

I feel very bad that the only things people know of some of my children are the sad things that drive me crazy about them. Haily can be a very gentle sweet little girl. Haily has been through a lot in her short life. When she was born she was born to a crack cocaine positive mom and Haily was born positive. She also had the cord wrapped around her neck several times. She was pronounced dead when she was born , but revived. I know none of this makes what she is doing o.k., but it can explain some of the things that might make her mind not work the way it should. I struggle everyday to bond with Haily the way I should. She only acts the way she does with me, so I need to go to therapy with her to resolve these issues.

Other than that, we have had an exciting day today. I took all the kids and a few extra to the pool today. It was fun other than the babies jumping into the pool at the same time. That took a few friends having to come and hold some of the babies. My oldest Faith is such a big help to e. She is always there to help when I need her to be.

We start going to school classes tomorrow to meet teachers. I am actually getting very sad for my little Noelle who will start Public school for the first time. She has had alot of fear so we home schooled her. Now she is so excited. I am happy for her to be able to get out there and make her own friends. I'm not sure what I will do with all my time now at home. Its going to be so lonely!!

I apologise for the blogging when it seems like I am just venting. Life here at the Beasley home is really fun most of the time. The kids play so well together and we never get bored here. This is the life I have always wanted and I can not wait until we are in the position to adopt more children. Not for many years, but there will be more!!

Broken Hearts

Today it has happened again. My daughter Haily has gotten into trouble again. I do not know what to do. I am blogging just to keep away from her right not.

It started out that she was to throw away something. While she went through the kitchen I saw her pick something off the ground and eat it. I knew right away she found food on the ground, so I went up to her and told her to open her mouth. When I did she shook her head no. OK, so now I'm getting mad. I told her again to open her mouth again, she then closed her mouth so tight and looked away, so I then started to try to open her mouth just to see what she had eaten. While I was attempting to open her mouth , she bit me!!!!!! I could not believe that she actually bit me. I then really opened her mouth to see what she had eaten just to make sure she had really taken something. Of course, she did. Now had she just asked me if she could have whatever she had found, I would have given it to her and she knows that. That's what I do not understand. She gets what she wants or asks for so it does not make sense to me. I then sent her to my room and put her in time out where she will be for awhile for biting me.

This entire thing could have been avoided if she has just asked. The other reason its a big deal is because she just got out of time out or got out of being grounded. Every time we give her the freedom to just walk around she gets into everything. She cuts things up, or her hair, or she steals things, then she always always lies about everything!! I can not do this anymore!! I feel like I'm going crazy and I do not have the energy to deal with this. I'm doing something wrong and I do not know what it is. We give her her one on one time, we make her feel loved. Even today when she was in trouble I explained to her that we loved her so much and that she was hurting our feelings because she would not listen to us. I told her that mommy and daddy loved her and wanted her to not lie or steal so that she would stay out of trouble.

I'm finding a therapist today to see this week. I do not have a lot of faith in them because of past history with my middle son, but I'm praying that this works. I'm praying that someone can understand her head and what she thinks, and why she can not just listen. She has so much love and can be such a sweet little girl. Everyone loves her at first sight. They can not believe that she does the things she does when I tell them.

Please pray for our little girl and our family as we go through this trial right now. I want Haily to know that we love her and that we will always be here, but she needs to understand that she can not do the things that she is doing as well.

The end of the Summer!!

Some of the kids are really excited to start school this year, then their are some that are really scared about it. For my oldest Faith it will be her first time in public school since she was in third grade. She is a little scared about it, but there is some excitement for her to. She has made friends in the new neighbor hood here where we just moved so she will get to be with her new buddies. Then there is Grace, the one I spoke of in my last post. She has begged us not to put her back into school, so I didn't.

My husband has his reservations about it, but gave in to me as he always does!!! He just thinks like I said before that we sometimes set her back. My heart is breaking for her right now because she has this sweet little friend that she loves, that will not spend the night with her anymore because she is so terrified to sleep over with friends. I think its a bit unfair for the friend of hers to be this way. They have been friends since they were 4 years old and she has always understood Grace. Her friend has her fears like riding rides at six flags. We tried to explain to her that it is the same thing and not to take it personally, but she does.

Anyways, Grace will be my only homeschooler this year. Then I will have little Emma who is 4 and the 3 babies. It sounds like a lot, but its going to be very different for me!! All my big help will gone to. I'm glad though that the older kids will be getting to experience a new life of middle school.

As far as my year this year, I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing with the little ones, I want some sort of plan. This is why I wanted so badley to move to a farm house when we moved. I wanted to be able to tend to the animals and such. We lost sight of looking for that and fell in love with the bigger home with smaller land. I have a lot of dogs because I foster for a dog shelter, but not farm animals like I wanted. So, until we move into that dream farm land I will have to find a new hobby to do with the little Beasley's for the school year. Something that the kids will like as well.

Well, its late and the babies still have not fallen asleep yet so I need to see if they need a diaper change, so I will write again tomorrow. Thanks and goodnight! ( In the picture above is my oldest Faith that is starting public school for the first time again since 3rd grade!!)

Fear!

Well, things are still the same with my daughter Haily. I have a therapy appointment set up for the both of us. I'm hoping that they can tell us why the same things happen over and over.

Today the issue seems to be my second daughter. She is my biological daughter. Gracelyyn has so much fear!! We tr

y to think back about how this started and we just can not seem to find anything to traumatic. The only thing that we can think of was when she was 4 years old. Gracelyyn was born with celiac disease so she was going to get an endoscopy at the hospital. When we got there they made me leave as she screamed out for me. I tried to comfort her as the doctors pushed me out the door. I watched through the door as they put the gas mask on her and she fought them. It broke my heart and I will never allow that to happen again. Gracie talk about that a lot so we can only think about that as something bad that happened to her. Grace wants to sleep in our room all the time, and she never wants to go to her class at church, and she is still the only one that wants to be home schooled. Gracie is 10!!! Yes, 10!! She should not have this much fear for a 10 year old. We make her go to bed in her room, but she always comes in at about midnight. I'm not sure what to do, do I not let her come in?? Do I make her stay in her room scared?? Does this make her fear worse?

Gracelyyn has a little friend that is h

er best friend. She is the sweetest little girl that loves Grace. Her friend has spent the night so many times here, but Now she wants Grace to spend the night there. Well, My husband is on his way to pick Grace up right now because she is crying that she is scared. Tony my husband is very mad about it. I know it is frustrating , but I don't think he should be mad. I just feel bad for Gracies friend. She really does not get why she will not spend the night.

The school thing is my next concern. I started homeschooling because Grace got sick with the celiac, and throwing up all the time. Now that all the kids have decided to go back to school we want her to. She has been so upset about it that she started throwing up again. So now we told her we would homeschooling her again because if she starts throwing up again at school they just send her home and she fails school because she misses so much. It makes us crazy. We want her to go to school because we feel like we are giving her to many options. We feel like if we send her maybe she will just be OK in the end. We d

id that her kinder year, but that was the year she started making herself throw up and they started sending her home. She learned how to make her own self throw up in kinder . That's so sad to me, and scary. I'm terrified she would start to do that again. I'm not sure what to do about all this fear. It goes against what God wants us to teach our children, and what we keep telling her. God wants us to trust him and to not be afraid. She just has so much fear!!

I'm thinking that when we go to the therapist next week we will see one fo

r Gracie as well. I just need might need one to by the time this week is over!! Just kidding!

Time for School

Sooo, We went school shopping on Tuesday of this week. It was miserable. We tried to take all the kids with us, which we do not do to ofter anymore. I thought it would fast enough so it would be o.k. Boy was I wrong!! Nessie decided to throw one of her big fits in the store so that everyone looked at me as I walked bu trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with her. I just kept on walking until I reached the door, then I made a mad dash to the car and just sat and waiting for my hubby and the kids. I just can not take her anywhere anymore. I can not stand this because I am not the type of person to just sit around. I like to get out and do things with the kids, but right now I just cant. I'm really hoping this is just a stage in her life that she will outgrow.
I know I'm bouncing around from one subject to another, so sorry if I loose you in this blog, but I have a lot to talk about, really a lot of questions that I am desperately seeking answers to. About 6 months ago one of my middle adoptive children began to act out. Her name is Haily and she is 7 . In the last post she is the first girl in the pink shirt. Anyways, everyone tells me she acts out because she was adopted, but I just do not agree. She had a lot of love from her grandma that she lived with before us, and she was only 12 months old when she came to us.
6 months ago she began doing things like cutting her hair off, stealing things from people and ALWAYS lying!! She continued these things, but now it has gotten out of control. I feel like the kid is going to give me a heart attack. I get so angry when she lies to me, because it is at least 5,6, 7 times a day. Then she will steal things from people all the time. She does all of this while she is in time out all ready. I am going to get a counselor, but until then, I am crying out for help. I can not even talk to anyone about her without crying. I do not feel like I have that bond with her that I have with the other kids. I know I should, but with her doing these things all the time, It is so hard to love on her and treat her like a princess. I know what I am saying is awful for a mom to say, but I do not like it either. I look at her and get so upset that she has me as a mom. I wish she had a better mom that could deal with her better and that did not blow up all the time. I thought I was a very patient person until I dealt with her. I guess I am a patient person, it just wears a person down. I will tell her not to do something and she will do it within 10 minutes. Yesterday she cut her off again. She was in so much trouble I set her to my room in the corner. While she sat there she got up and stole a coke in the corner. When we asked her she lied with coke still in her mouth. Then I get mad that she really thinks we are so stupid!! I ask myself because My husband asks me all the time, Would I feel this way if my biological kids acted like this. I hope and pray to God that I would. I do not think it is because she is adopted that I get so mad, its because she is so defiant, and so disrespectful to me and to Tony. The kids at home will not even play with her because they know she will steal their toys or break them. I know I'm not the only one hurting here, I know she is to. That's why I cry so much about this. I want her to be happy, and not feel like she has to lie about everything, but how???
That is what I'm dealing with this week. We are trying to get the kids ready for school and struggling with money right now as well. We usually home school and all the kids decided that they wanted to go to public school at the last minute, so we were not prepared to buy all this school stuff and clothes. There is just a lot of stress right now. I now things will get better, its all in Gods time.
If anyone has any advise on my little Haily, please feel free to email me or comment below. Thanks so much tbarch@prodigy.net

Today I tried to let the kids have a fun day with the kids. Summer is almost over and since I brought the new babies home I do not get to get out and do as much as I would like to with the older ones. So Tony came home early and we went to fiesta Texas. They had a lot fun. Now I can relax about letting them have fun before school. This will be the first year some of the kids go to public school, so we are really trying to get them ready for that to, mentally and emotionally.

I'm not sure what I am going to do with myself with only 4 kids at home with me. I'm the type of person that always has to be running around. I can not ever sit and relax, until bed time. That's why I forget to blog a lot, I just don't ever find the time.

The babies have started a new habit. They have all learned to pull their diapers off when they wake up in the morning, so now every morning we awake to naked babies, and wet beds. Even with pants on, they find a way. I think its funny they all started it at the same time though.

Its late, about 12.00 right now so I'm going to bed. I hope it was a good day for everyone. Praying for a good day tomorrow, we have a ton of doctors appointments!!

DYLAN AND NESSIE
NESSIE WALKING
ELI IN THE SUGAR BOWLI don't have a lot to say today because I have had a lot of pain in my hand today. This is an issue I have been dealing with for a few months now, but the doctors have not figured out why yet. When the pain flares up it really bothers me to type.

I thought I would just post pictures instead. The picture on the bottom is Eli . He figured out where the sugar container was. This is his third time dumping it out. He had also figured that he loves the taste so he eats it as fast as he dumps it out. It was really cute, but we had to move it from him.

The picture at the top is Nessie, and his big brother Dylan. Dylan has so much love for his baby brother and sisters. He takes such good care of them all the time. Dylan was adopted 5 years ago from San Antonio.

The middle picture was one of the first days that Nessie started to walk. She finally favors walking over crawling. She is not walking all the time yet, but getting close. Now we just need to get Eli walking!!

I hope Ill get to write more tomorrow, sorry to be o boring, but its late here, almost 1.00 a.m. Have a great weekend

The day to day

Yesterday I think I messed my entire day up. I thought it was today. I went to all my appointments for today making myself look really silly. Now today I have to get them all ready again and go back to all the appointments again. I am not an very organized person at all. Me and Tony have been trying forever to help get me to be better organized, but no luck yet. You would think with 10kids I would be!

Today I have a lot of extra kids with me because all my kids have friends that sleep over. It gets really loud at this house when we do this, but they all have so much fun. All the kids play together very well.

I'm trying to find some type of group here in San Antonio where they have other moms with kids with downs. I only know of one friend, and we do not see them that often. I want to know what other kids are doing at their ages, and what my kids should be doing right now. I never knew anything about downs before we adopted these babies, so I am still in the learning stage. I know there are so many times that I expect that they can do the same things as my other kids, and I have to stop and think, no they cant. If anyone knows of any type of groups, please tell me what info you may have. Ill leave you with a few pictures of the kids.

The start of the week

Well, Its Tuesday and I'm already counting down the days until the weekend. This is such a busy week here. Today I wen to the doctor for my hand. I have had been having pain in my fingers and my wrist for over 6 months now. The doctor thinks that I have a disc in my neck. I did not understand how that would affect my fingers, but he explained how it works.I get it now, but I do not like the treatment plan. I guess I am just wanting the quick fix as my husband says.

Tomorrow I have to go get an MRI, then I have to go register the kids for school tomorrow because we have decided to not home school all of them this year. I have to do all of this with all 10 kids. These are the time that are hard for me. These are also the time that people think I am crazy. I do not mind taking my kids to my appointments, but I do mind the people that stare very rude and move away when we come in. I truly believe my kids are very well behaved and very quite. The babies are not so calm, but they are babies. The just sit in there strollers and babble. I guess we just have to do what we just have to do.

Tonight the chief guy came back to our home. This time he made us Shepard's pie, and Strawberry Shortcake. It was very very good. He charges us 50.00 a meal for the entire family. We think we will hire him permanently , but only on the weekend and once during the week. We decided we would just take the money out of our allowance for eating out. It has just gotten to hard to eat out with all the babies screaming right now. This makes it easy to stay at home, but also not have to cook or worry about what I am going to cook. I try to watch what he does so I can learn because I love to cook if I can.

The kids are getting ready for bed now so I'm going to snuggle in bed and watch my T.V. since this is the only time I think I sit down during the entire day. I love my life and my kids, But I love night time to when I can just be me by myself for a little while. See you tomorrow.

Sunday at the Beasley home

Today we skipped out on church. We do not usually do this, but my 15 passenger van is in the shop. We are renting a suburban right now. I am in love with this SUV. I am now convinced that I want to get a new suburban for when I do not have all the kids in the car with me. When school starts i will no longer be homeschooling all the kids so I will only have 4 with me.

I will only be homeschooling one child my middle daughter Gracie. She was born with Celiac disease. This made her throw up all the time. She would get so embarrassed at school that they would call me all the time to pick her up, so that's why I started homeschooling to begin with. So,now she has asked again to still be home schooled because she still has so much fear. This will be my first year that I have not home schooled at least half of my kids. I am not even going to know what to do with all my time.

Today I will be giving up 2 of my foster puppies that I have had since they were 2 days old. I had bottle fed them for so long. I am so upset about letting them go, and nobody understands me. I have yet to meet someone that loves dogs as much as I do. It kills me to let them go. I know thought that they are going to a great home that I picked for them, so I have to just keep telling myself that this is best. The kids do not even care so much, only Emma , my 4 year old.

Next week the 2 Leeska and Nessie have their eye surgeries. This will help them to see better and help their eyes to not cross. I'm hoping that this will help their balance as well so that they can walk better.

We are trying to start the process to become a foster home soon. There is a lot we have to get ready for because after you have more than 6 kids in your home you have to be a group home. In order to do this you have to do alot more to be licenced. We have to almost make our home like a business. We have to put sprinkler systems inside our home and things like that. We also have to have 2 adults at home at all times, so we are going to hire a nanny to help out. I want to foster babies, not so much adopt them, but just foster. I'm hoping that this will be a rewarding experience for all of us. Please pray this will go smoothly for us. Thanks, Leah