Very Scary Sunday

Yesterday, Sunday was my 35th Birthday. It was all going great until about 3.00 yesterday. I had decided to go to the grocery store with 2 of my girls and Eli. As we were driving down the road I saw Eli choking in the back. I started yelling for my oldest daughter Faith to help him. She tried to finger swipe him, but nothing would help. I then pulled into an apartment complex parking lot. As I opened the door and blocked traffic I pulled Eli to the ground and began finger swiping him to. That didn't work so I then did the Heimlich on him. He was so blue that I was just screaming. Other people came running to help as they called an ambulance. Eli finally started breathing, but he was spitting up blood and kept choking every 2 minutes. When we arrived at the hospital they did an x-ray of him very fast. They could not find anything, but knew something was there because he was not getting enough oxygen to him, he was faint and still a blueish color. Then a lot of doctors came in saying that they were taking him to the O.R. Then I just lost it. Alot of people from my church were already there holding me, comforting me. I was so scared. So many crazy thoughts went through my head. I wasn't ready to give him up yet, I would not give up without a fight. When they finally came back an hour later they showed us the ugly little piece of plastic wrapping paper they found way down in his esophagus. It was so small that it was probably the size of an eraser top. It had blocked his airway. While they were scoping him they found a lot of blood in his tummy so they would not let him go home. I was afraid, but relieved that he was OK at this moment.

Today they released Eli. They think the blood was from the plastic scratching his throat. I brought my sweet baby boy home and just loved on him. Its amazing the things that they can choke on. We came home and did a clean sweep of our entire home. Last Christmas a dear friend of my husband had a friend that had a neighbor that had a little girl about 2. She put a screw in her mouth and swallowed it. This little girl died Christmas day on the way to the hospital. Can you imagine how traumatizing??? That's all I could think of last night. You feel so bad that you didn't protect them from such small silly things. I still don't know where he got it in his car seat in the back of the car, but he did. All I know is that so many people prayed last night for my baby boy and God heard all their prayers, he is ok, and he is resting today and back to trying to bust out of his playroom. Thanks everyone for praying for my baby boy.

Lonely home

Older picture to the left!!
I don't know where to begin. This may sound crazy to some, but only having 5 kids at home feels so lonely!!! I only have the three babies, Grace my 10 year old homeschooler, and Emma my 4 yr. old home right now. The house is so calm as the babies sleep, and I'm not sure what to do.

The kids had a great first day at school, but not so much on the bus home. As I waited for my kids to get off the bus, my 2 first graders did not get off. My boys said they never even got on. I was in a panic as I drove to the school. When I got there they had no idea where they were. After waiting for about 15 minutes a bus driver called saying she had the wrong kids on her bus. We knew it was them. I was very impressed with my girls because somehow they got on the wrong bus going to our old address. When the bus driver told them to get off at our old home they told her that we no longer lived there. I was so glad that they didn't just get off and sit there. Then I found out that my older girl gave the bus driver my cell phone number. She has never even called this number, so I was amazed that she even knew it. All in all everything ended up well. The girls did just as they should have. It makes you feel good when they handle scary situation's very well!! Granted they do not want to the ride the bus again, I can handle that!!

These pictures on top are of Noelle and Haily, my first graders!! Even though I'm lonely without all my kids, its nice to have a small break at times!

First Day Of School

Tomorrow is the first day of school, and for half of my crew it is the first day ever of school. We are all so excited. I know the kids are a bit nervous, but that is to be expected.

I have no idea what I'm going to do yet with all my time. I will still be homeschooling one of my kids so I'm going to try to make this an exciting year for her. I want to really get out there and get involved in co-ops and sports. I have not ever done this before because we had to many kids at home.

This will be a short post tonight because we are getting the kids ready for their big day. I hope everyone enjoys their big day tomorrow at their first day of school!!!!

A New Outlook

God has really been working on my heart this week in many ways with Haily. At first I was fighting him, but I have now realized this is all an answer to my prayers. I now know what I need to do to help my issues with Haily. I think I have always known, its just hard to admit, and it is very hard to do when she hurts me so much. I know I need to be the bigger one, I know I need to be the one that just starts accepting some of the smaller things that Haily does. I'm praying if I can just get passed the little things, she will stop doing them. I know this is a cry out for help on her behalf. I also know that I'm not spending enough attention with her as I should. I guess as a parent it really hurts to admit that. It hurts so see that we can mold our children into something so sad when its not at all what we meant to do. God has really opened a lot of doors this week for me and has shown me the things I need to do. I feel very grateful that I have this relationship with God and that I can see that these things he is telling me are really from him. I can see their future ahead now and what I hope will be a different Haily. A child that she should have been from the start. I'm not sure where I went wrong with her,but I have for sure fallin off the wagon with her and I am ready to make up for it now. I just Pray that we caught it in time to make a difference in her little life!!

We went this week to meet all the teachers for the kids. Haily and Noelle my middle biological daughter will be in the same class. This will be Noelle's first time ever in school. She was so afraid at first so we thought it would be better to put her with Haily. I hope this does not work against me now because Noelle can be really bossy towards Haily. In the end Noelle would have had a very hard time staring school. I can not wait for all the kids to go back to school and make new friends. This will be such a new experience for some if the kids I can not wait to see how they will do.

We are going to go buy some of the kids there school clothes this weekend. We had to wait until payday to go, and it just happens to be the tax free weekend. That is not a good thing for us. I hate crowds!!! Not to mention when we take the babies out I get very tired of all the people always starring at us trying to figure out if I had 3 babies with downs, and why we have so many kids. Yesterday at school I had 3 people give me nasty looks. Then I had one man even come up to me and ask if they were all mine. When I said yes he just shook his head in disgust and walked away. I always think to myself, why the hell do they care!!! We were not loud, we didn't get into any ones way, we did not bother anyone. I sometimes just do not get it. I think some people think I do this for money. If only they knew how much money we spent to adopt!!!! These are just things we will always deal with, it just never gets any easier!!

In the end, they are all my babies and I love the all. I do not care what the hell people think. I have a home full of so much love and always will. More love than some of these people will ever know!!!

Monday Night

I feel very bad that the only things people know of some of my children are the sad things that drive me crazy about them. Haily can be a very gentle sweet little girl. Haily has been through a lot in her short life. When she was born she was born to a crack cocaine positive mom and Haily was born positive. She also had the cord wrapped around her neck several times. She was pronounced dead when she was born , but revived. I know none of this makes what she is doing o.k., but it can explain some of the things that might make her mind not work the way it should. I struggle everyday to bond with Haily the way I should. She only acts the way she does with me, so I need to go to therapy with her to resolve these issues.

Other than that, we have had an exciting day today. I took all the kids and a few extra to the pool today. It was fun other than the babies jumping into the pool at the same time. That took a few friends having to come and hold some of the babies. My oldest Faith is such a big help to e. She is always there to help when I need her to be.

We start going to school classes tomorrow to meet teachers. I am actually getting very sad for my little Noelle who will start Public school for the first time. She has had alot of fear so we home schooled her. Now she is so excited. I am happy for her to be able to get out there and make her own friends. I'm not sure what I will do with all my time now at home. Its going to be so lonely!!

I apologise for the blogging when it seems like I am just venting. Life here at the Beasley home is really fun most of the time. The kids play so well together and we never get bored here. This is the life I have always wanted and I can not wait until we are in the position to adopt more children. Not for many years, but there will be more!!

Broken Hearts

Today it has happened again. My daughter Haily has gotten into trouble again. I do not know what to do. I am blogging just to keep away from her right not.

It started out that she was to throw away something. While she went through the kitchen I saw her pick something off the ground and eat it. I knew right away she found food on the ground, so I went up to her and told her to open her mouth. When I did she shook her head no. OK, so now I'm getting mad. I told her again to open her mouth again, she then closed her mouth so tight and looked away, so I then started to try to open her mouth just to see what she had eaten. While I was attempting to open her mouth , she bit me!!!!!! I could not believe that she actually bit me. I then really opened her mouth to see what she had eaten just to make sure she had really taken something. Of course, she did. Now had she just asked me if she could have whatever she had found, I would have given it to her and she knows that. That's what I do not understand. She gets what she wants or asks for so it does not make sense to me. I then sent her to my room and put her in time out where she will be for awhile for biting me.

This entire thing could have been avoided if she has just asked. The other reason its a big deal is because she just got out of time out or got out of being grounded. Every time we give her the freedom to just walk around she gets into everything. She cuts things up, or her hair, or she steals things, then she always always lies about everything!! I can not do this anymore!! I feel like I'm going crazy and I do not have the energy to deal with this. I'm doing something wrong and I do not know what it is. We give her her one on one time, we make her feel loved. Even today when she was in trouble I explained to her that we loved her so much and that she was hurting our feelings because she would not listen to us. I told her that mommy and daddy loved her and wanted her to not lie or steal so that she would stay out of trouble.

I'm finding a therapist today to see this week. I do not have a lot of faith in them because of past history with my middle son, but I'm praying that this works. I'm praying that someone can understand her head and what she thinks, and why she can not just listen. She has so much love and can be such a sweet little girl. Everyone loves her at first sight. They can not believe that she does the things she does when I tell them.

Please pray for our little girl and our family as we go through this trial right now. I want Haily to know that we love her and that we will always be here, but she needs to understand that she can not do the things that she is doing as well.

The end of the Summer!!

Some of the kids are really excited to start school this year, then their are some that are really scared about it. For my oldest Faith it will be her first time in public school since she was in third grade. She is a little scared about it, but there is some excitement for her to. She has made friends in the new neighbor hood here where we just moved so she will get to be with her new buddies. Then there is Grace, the one I spoke of in my last post. She has begged us not to put her back into school, so I didn't.

My husband has his reservations about it, but gave in to me as he always does!!! He just thinks like I said before that we sometimes set her back. My heart is breaking for her right now because she has this sweet little friend that she loves, that will not spend the night with her anymore because she is so terrified to sleep over with friends. I think its a bit unfair for the friend of hers to be this way. They have been friends since they were 4 years old and she has always understood Grace. Her friend has her fears like riding rides at six flags. We tried to explain to her that it is the same thing and not to take it personally, but she does.

Anyways, Grace will be my only homeschooler this year. Then I will have little Emma who is 4 and the 3 babies. It sounds like a lot, but its going to be very different for me!! All my big help will gone to. I'm glad though that the older kids will be getting to experience a new life of middle school.

As far as my year this year, I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing with the little ones, I want some sort of plan. This is why I wanted so badley to move to a farm house when we moved. I wanted to be able to tend to the animals and such. We lost sight of looking for that and fell in love with the bigger home with smaller land. I have a lot of dogs because I foster for a dog shelter, but not farm animals like I wanted. So, until we move into that dream farm land I will have to find a new hobby to do with the little Beasley's for the school year. Something that the kids will like as well.

Well, its late and the babies still have not fallen asleep yet so I need to see if they need a diaper change, so I will write again tomorrow. Thanks and goodnight! ( In the picture above is my oldest Faith that is starting public school for the first time again since 3rd grade!!)